Masturyak: Noun The act of giving oneself pleasure via a solo kayak trip.
Kent did it with himself a couple of weeks ago (and called me while doing it!) and he said he has never experienced anything like it. So with the weather giving us the year's first glimpse of spring I decided to give masturyaking a try. Down to Churchill Woods Forest preserve and the up stream paddle on the east branch. Not only did I extend my consecutive kayak streak to 29 months, I was able to do something I have not done for a long time.....paddle wearing only a t-shirt and no gloves. Now I am pretty sure while Kent was masturyaking he was not man enough to only wear a t-shirt (no one can see your legs anyway).
The freedom the sunny 60 degree weather gave me inspired me to go further than I have gone before....into virgin territory as it were. Now here was my dilemma. I know the initiation ritual for Duper virgins (I helped come up with the routine, for crying out loud!) but how do you handle virgin territory on the river? Well I took it upon myself and since I was masturyaking anyway, I administered the initiation ritual to myself. I know, you are probably mumbling to yourself right now: "how could you possibly pull that off?" Let's just say I may not be able to sit down for a while and I heard some noises coming out of me that I never would have believed were possible.
Let's hope spring has sprung and the Duper boys can be reunited for some more exciting trips on the river we affectionately call "the Duper."